Me

In case you're wondering the significance of that photo, he's just jealous of my chest hair.

Heat

I swear, sometimes Jeff acts like he's some kind of fucking vampire. A 60 degree day without a cloud in the sky will result in inevitable complaints that it's too hot and a dash from one covered area to another to avoid the sun at all costs. And it's deliciously ironic that he should hate white (see below) when it's so effective in keeping one cool.

What a shame that he doesn't like heat. Unlike many of his Asian brethren, Jeff's skin under the influence of the sun turns into a golden hue so even, Julio Iglesias himself would be jealous.

Embrace the heat, Jeff. You're not a whale-eating Eskimo for cryin' out loud.

The Color White

Jeff hates anything even remotely white. He once asked me what kind of shirt he should wear with his black suit for a concert. I suggested white and he nearly had a stroke.

He claims that it's because white gets dirty easily. I believe his hatred towards white is deeper than that and likely rooted to psychological abuse during his youth in Taiwan where white was the color of choice for the uniforms at his prison-like school.

But even if it has nothing to do with that and he really is concerned about the cleanliness of white, he needs to understand that there's this little thing called bleach that works wonders.

Jeff, you know we love you, but I'm going to take you to South Coast and help you pick out something in white linen with short sleeves. Summer is around the corner you know.